It's been a little while since I posted an in depth musing so if you're interested to see why I'm ripping apart wedding days, sit back, grab a cuppa and let's begin.
It was a normal day, I was preparing some side veg for a curry dish I'd been working on for the last hour or so and my laptop was playing me some background episodes of trashy TV shows (because I do have a penchant for such things), when I heard it:
This is supposed to be the best day of my life you b*stard!!!
A cursory glance showed me an anguished bride enraged about a hot air balloon caper and it got me thinking... Is your wedding day the best day of your life?
Now I don't wish to offend any of you who disagree, I know many of you will have loved your wedding day and will firmly remember it as the best day of your life (and that's great, we're all different and we all have different experiences) but here's why I don't go all hearts and melting about wedding days.
The wedding day is usually the end result after planning, stressing and possibly crying for around a year. There's food to pick, flowers to choose, invites to sort (shall we invite cousin Hugh... I've never met him but I once met his Mum's sister's hairdresser and so he might expect an invite or we might be seen to be snubbing Aunt Valerie's second marriage?)
Then let's not even get into the cost, I went into a cake makers and asked for a two tiered chocolate cake, she thought it was for a birthday but when I stupidly told her it was a wedding cake so I'd like flowers not numbers on that bad boy she suddenly added an extra two hundred pounds! And it's not just the cake lady, the flowers cost more than 3 months food budget and it spirals on and on, luckily I was one of the first of my friends and school mates to get married (I got married very young) and so I didn't have a lot to compare it to but I've noticed that with each subsequent year on Facebook, the weddings get more and more extravagant and I've been privy to talks such as:
Well Laura had a stately home and doves so I'm going to have a castle, a horse drawn carriage, a veil made by blind virgin nuns and a talking unicorn at my wedding, wait till Laura sees the pictures!
Laura, of course, isn't invited due to the fact that she slept with the brides ex boyfriend eight years ago when they'd only dated for three days when they twelve anyway.
Then there's the expectation, the knowing that your dress better be flipping amazing and licked on by kittens because if not, you know the cousins you didn't want to invite will be secretly whatsapping pictures of it with bitchy little captions before you've even had the chance to say "I do"
The party after is usually a fun affair (I mean of course it is, you've had to spend hundreds on food and drink for people, half of whom you don't even like) but can you really enjoy it? There's circulating to be done, there's pervy uncles to avoid and family members to keep apart (your mother never did quite forgive the grooms mother for snorting at her new hairdo) all whilst trying to remember to have
THE BEST EFFIN' DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!!
So is it all worth it? Personally I don't think so because although my wedding day was ok, I'm not a party person, I didn't want to make small talk I wanted to eat that chocolate cake!
I can happily say my wedding day wasn't the best day of my life, the real best days of my life have happened way after my wedding day, the best days of my life have been amazing times I've spent with Mr Sparkles (and more recently, Baby Sparkles) and when I look back on days that have left me with the happiest memories they've been days that involved just the two of us (or three) when I've not had to put on a show and entertain everyone because I'm led to believe that will be the highlight of my existence.
I sometimes feel that this pressure stems back to the days when a woman's whole point in life was to secure herself a fella so that she could obtain the respectability that came with being a married woman but seriously, don't fall for it, marriage should be about two people committing to spend their lives together, to respect one another equally and to enjoy the good things that life has to offer whilst pulling each other through the bad times.
If you're a party person, if you've been dreaming about your wedding since you were five years old and you've mentally been picking invite themes since your teens then perhaps a big wedding is for you, maybe it will be the day of your dreams.
I never dreamed of weddings, I didn't care about dresses and castles, I never wanted to be a princess for a day. I dreamed of having freedom as a grown up, I dreamed of the house I'd have and of the children I might have, the lovely husband who was my best friend but I never stopped to think about the day I'd become a wife, just the aftermath so if you're like me, you're not a party person, if you don't want to spend close to a years wages on one day and if you found your wedding left you feeling a little underwhelmed, don't stress because the best days come after.
Like when you buy an Xbox one Christmas and spend all day together laughing enjoying being detectives on the L.A. Noire game you picked up.
Or the day you go to IKEA and buy ALL OF THE STUFF for your first home.
The day you laugh till you cry when a frog jumps on your husband's leg when he least expected it or the day you stand there holding your positive pregnancy test waiting for him to get home from work so you can show him the exciting news.
Those are the real best days.
Are you planning a wedding? Are you already married? Was it the best day of your life?